Saturday, 1 October 2011

a special place in hell

There will be a special place in hell for certain types who operate the Australian telecommunications industry.    

Everybody knows that when you’re in the shop to sign up for a new phone you get prompt service, and many promises by fast-talking sales people who reassure you that this product will meet your every desire.  They are attentive and responsive.  They are so confident in their product that you kind of start believing that they actually know what they’re talking about.   

And you make the fatal mistake of leaving the shop before the phone works properly.  You believe the lie that, “No you have to wait an hour until all the internet connections align.”

Logically, I know this will turn bad.  I know that in spite of bringing home a shiny new mobile with all the buttons and bells that sooner or later (and it turned out to be sooner) I will need some actual service from the provider.  Now there’s a foreign concept – service from a telecommunications provider!

So I have spent my long weekend (so far) fighting with the shop staff and the technology and ringing various carriers and being given wrong information (on multiple fronts) and still – the phone is not working properly!!!

But still, the staff in the shop assure me it is their favourite phone, in fact, they have one themselves!  And this problem is very unusual…etc etc.  After 2 hours of this, I came home believing (wrongly) again that all was well.  

Unbelievably the most enjoyable part of my day today was doing the ironing!  

This, folks, should give you some context into my emotional response to the situation.  Why oh why, does everything need to be so freaking complex?  Pop servers, outgoing ports, incoming servers, exchange accounts, technicians who disagree…ffs!

Yes folks, there will be a special place in hell.  If not for the telecommunications staff, then at least for their products.


  1. And the place in Hell will be filled with never-ending ring tones featuring country and western songs from the 1950s. There will be tables laden with food that disappear if you touch them, and floating signs displaying error messages. Every time these young techs speak, a booming voice will interrupt with 'it will all work in a couple of hours'. Oh yes, there is a special hell indeed....

  2. Anonymous! Great comment! I laughed and laughed. That's exactly what I imagine it will be like! Thank you for the delightful image.