sexuality

I got this hat

Today I attended the Newcastle Breast Cancer Forum where I scored these delicious bicky-beauties - a giveaway from the doctors at the Hunter Women's Health & Menopause Centre.


Breast Cancer & Sexuality was the theme of the day. And the speakers were fabulous.


Dr Margaret Redelman (Psychotherapist, Sexuality Relationship Therapist, Medical Practitioner) defines sexuality:


Sexuality = communication by proximity and touch


Our sexuality is always with us - we never leave home without it.  Dr Redelman believes we use our sexuality to:


1.  give/receive love, acceptance and affection


2.  fulfil skin-hunger needs and validate our gender


3.  use it to relieve boredeom, to control, reward, punish, and enjoy


According to the good doc, Aussies tend not to communicate comfortably about sexuality and we have difficulty in finding words to describe it. She also claims that only about 10% of us have a reasonable sex education. 


So when a sexual trauma comes along, such as a breast cancer diagnosis, we don't have the tools to deal with it.


We learn about sexuality by various means. As a child, we are always learning. Our parents teach us (intentionally or unintentionally) what attitudes to take to our sexuality. Also there are religious expectations, family values, history, past experience, media all are thrown into the mix.


93% of 13-15 year old boys have seen porn, which can cause them to think that porn is normal when it comes to sexuality.


Do you think someone should give kids some tools to identify what's normal when it comes to sexuality? 


Dr Redelman's message to women is to be responsibly selfish. This means you are responsible for knowing what your own needs are and taking care of them. This will involve communicating those needs.


Communication is a huge key to learn the skills of sexuality. Make no mistake - the actual function of sex can be carried out easily (left nipple, right nipple, in). But the skills of sexuality - of making sex meaningful over a long-term relationship, is a learned skill. We learn by becoming responsibly selfish.


Everyone's sexuality is unique and we are each responsible to be aware and take care of our own needs. Communication with our partner is a huge key in learning to achieve this.


Thoughts? Comments? Fire away.