mogo zoo

Mogo Zoo is a privately owned zoo dedicated to rare and endangered species.

Fallow deer, up close and personal. Their noses are soft like velvet as they sniff your hand for food.

Go froggie!  This guy's about as big as a fist.

 

 

Mr Gibbon. He's quite shy, but very distinguished. Silvery gray body with a smart looking tuft of reddish hair above the eyes, and a fashionably curled beard of white. All very neat and sharp-looking.

Giraffes and ostriches look elegant and content.

This is a Golden Lion Tamarind - a small monkey with long, golden hair. About as big as a rabbit.

This is another Tamerind, and I refer to it as the 'gremlin' because it's got a white mo-hawk hair-do. It also has a really wierd little square face.

Meer cats.

You can pay to sit in certain cages and feed the animals. This couple are feeding the meer cats, and loving it.

Otters. They have such thick tails. We watched them rolling in the water, and foraging for their food. But here, they are enjoying the sun together.

These little guys were my favourite. Pygmy Marmosets. They are tiny little monkeys, no bigger than a rat. This one was very curious and came right up to the glass to check us out.

You can see the size of these little fellas. I so want one of these!

A snow leopard wasn't too comfortable with us being so close. A beautiful, elongated animal which preferred to be a bit further away.

We watched a couple of tigers displaying mating behaviour - snarling and groaning. This one was in the pen next door, and quietly cleaning himself.

I could not believe I was seeing this! A sort of "5-legged" Tapir. His 'relaxed' state was made even more unbelieving by the shape of the 5th leg - it had a funnel shape at the end and he was stepping on himself as he walked along! 

Zebras.

 

This is a very rare white lion with 2 cubs! We watched her licking them.

Mogo Zoo is 10km south of Batemans Bay in NSW. It was a total delight to discover. The animals all looked healthy and happy.

confessions of a helper

Last night I had a discussion with others that made me think about my time as a ‘lay pastor’ (volunteer pastor).  I’ve never exactly spelt this out for people, but my blog-name of ‘Cardinal Cyn’ is also a reference to a time in my life when I studied ministry and did lay pastor-y things.  As a result I have some experience with pastoral care.  

Part of me loved to help others in a sort of pastoral care type of way.

Sounds all warm and fuzzy, but I can tell you it is not.  Among other things, I can remember the awkwardness of visiting someone in hospital after a failed suicide attempt; there seemed to be a plague of depression everywhere I turned; and I once faced a person exhibiting behaviour which was just freaky and weird (screaming, pointing and rocking in church…ffs!) (while sitting on the floor). What would you do?


I kept a journal on pastoral care for a while in order to learn from my own reflections.  Here’s a quote from it:

…There are others however, who don’t seem to grow or who are playing games.  I am concerned with how a person is travelling spiritually and like to encourage them.  But I don’t like being manipulated or played with by people who are excessively needy.  I don’t have a need to be needed, in that sense, and I’m glad about that.

I discovered during this time how much I needed help, myself, from time to time.  It’s hard to hear and see some of the stuff you do, in its raw intensity.  I needed to ‘debrief’ or find a ‘relief valve’, particularly after a tough session.

I found that when in the role of ‘helping’ others  I MUST do stuff in order to look after myself.  Stuff like self-care. Knowing my own limits and boundaries.  Dealing with my own issues so they were not projected inappropriately. It was really important for me to know who I was and be comfortable in my own skin – otherwise I’d get creamed. 

The risk of NOT doing this – of NOT knowing who I am, and NOT dealing with my own stuff - is that all the crap that gets dumped on me from other people goes into me and builds up, to a point of pressure-cooker-meltdown level. If I didn’t have a healthy release valve in place, the crap comes out in unhealthy ways – usually in ways which damage relationships. This is not a long-term recipe for wellness, happiness and health, people. No it is not. Not for me. Not for anyone.

I had to learn how to be well. And not just physically well – but emotionally, mentally, socially, spiritually well.  Prevention is better than cure.  This is what works for me:

• Practice acceptance.  Breathing in the realisation that I can’t change some things or people, and there are probably elements of a situation that I will need to learn to accept. 
• Support.  Allow someone else to stand alongside me to provide “psychological splinting”.
• Time out.  Escape by taking days off, pursuing recreational activities, having a regular diversion, taking part in social activities.  Have some fun.
• Self development. Learning skills and gaining more understanding.  Always reflecting on my own attitudes and behaviours and what I can learn for next time.
• Attending to physical factors such as exercise, rest and diet.
• Plan Strategically.  I always like to have a plan in order to build.

Even so, it takes a special kind of person to survive long-term in such a role. 

Just saying.

all about lurve

what it's not
Jealous.  Boastful.  Proud.  Rude.  Irritable.


what it doesn't do
Demand its own way.  Keep score.  Enjoy the other's downfall.


what it never does
Gives up. Loses hope.


what it does
Is patient, kind, truthful.



This doesn't mean that you're not in love if you get irritable at times. It's just that there are behaviours which build lurve, and behaviours which diminish it.

the skills of lurve are learned - 

they don't just appear

>> be truthful.  Transparency is not about being kind (with no honesty), or about being honest (with no kindness).  It is about being totally honest and totally kind both at the same time.  This is a learned skill and builds levels of trust as vulnerability is explored.  This is exquisitely beautiful in operation. Here's a tip: when your partner begins to share truthfully, listen. And don't give any cause for them never to trust you again with their treasure.

>>agreement.  Don't try to win against the other. If one of you wins, the couple loses. It's not a competition. It's a partnership. The aim is for agreement. If both of you are not comfortable, don't proceed.  

So I wish you all lots of lurve.


(25 years married this November!) 

sexuality

I got this hat

Today I attended the Newcastle Breast Cancer Forum where I scored these delicious bicky-beauties - a giveaway from the doctors at the Hunter Women's Health & Menopause Centre.


Breast Cancer & Sexuality was the theme of the day. And the speakers were fabulous.


Dr Margaret Redelman (Psychotherapist, Sexuality Relationship Therapist, Medical Practitioner) defines sexuality:


Sexuality = communication by proximity and touch


Our sexuality is always with us - we never leave home without it.  Dr Redelman believes we use our sexuality to:


1.  give/receive love, acceptance and affection


2.  fulfil skin-hunger needs and validate our gender


3.  use it to relieve boredeom, to control, reward, punish, and enjoy


According to the good doc, Aussies tend not to communicate comfortably about sexuality and we have difficulty in finding words to describe it. She also claims that only about 10% of us have a reasonable sex education. 


So when a sexual trauma comes along, such as a breast cancer diagnosis, we don't have the tools to deal with it.


We learn about sexuality by various means. As a child, we are always learning. Our parents teach us (intentionally or unintentionally) what attitudes to take to our sexuality. Also there are religious expectations, family values, history, past experience, media all are thrown into the mix.


93% of 13-15 year old boys have seen porn, which can cause them to think that porn is normal when it comes to sexuality.


Do you think someone should give kids some tools to identify what's normal when it comes to sexuality? 


Dr Redelman's message to women is to be responsibly selfish. This means you are responsible for knowing what your own needs are and taking care of them. This will involve communicating those needs.


Communication is a huge key to learn the skills of sexuality. Make no mistake - the actual function of sex can be carried out easily (left nipple, right nipple, in). But the skills of sexuality - of making sex meaningful over a long-term relationship, is a learned skill. We learn by becoming responsibly selfish.


Everyone's sexuality is unique and we are each responsible to be aware and take care of our own needs. Communication with our partner is a huge key in learning to achieve this.


Thoughts? Comments? Fire away.

about mick

 It happened on Wednesday, 20th June 2012. He was 58 years old. 


This is what we know.  He was walking down the street in a shopping centre in Melbourne when  he collapsed.  Passers-by called an ambulance which took him to hospital.  He suffered a heart attack and was not able to be revived.  


The hospital went through his phone and found contact numbers of the family. A coroner's report will be provided in due course to identify the cause of death.

In 2008 he was given the 2008 Award for Services from the Australian Philatelic Federal Federation. He played a key role in the leadership of this organisation and was unofficially called the 'pied piper' in recognition of his ability to build rapport with old and young alike.

 The eldest son of 6, he was very neat and clean. He lived frugally and was a big user of Facebook which helped build and maintain his family contacts.  Once the house where he rented an attached flat, burnt down. He lost everything except his precious stamps. 

He could be very motivated. He started and ran his own business which grew from his networks of business contacts where he would assemble furniture and garden equipment for customers.
He was the one within the Meyles clan to initiate and maintain contact. He was keenly interested in family history, family trees and extended family. He visited Holland, where he was born, on several occasions and maintained contact with the rellies there too.


When the coroner's report is available and his body is released from formal processes, further information regarding funeral place/time will be provided.  The family wishes to thank those who have expressed their support via Facebook and other mediums at this time.

an hour ago

One of the things my muvva used to say when we were kids was...


"An hour ago these vegies were growing in the garden. And now... they're making US grow!"     ~ Vera Sleight




This is a Jamie meal, slightly adapted to what we had on hand.  It consists of:

• Sweet potato mash
• Smoked salmon fillets
• Asian Greens

mash:  this has flavours of fresh coriander, chutney, soy and lime mixed through sweet potato


greens:  broccoli, chilli, green pea shoots, soy, olive oil, sesame oil, lime juice


salmon:  vacuum packed, smoked, and what we had in the fridge slightly warmed in the microwave


Did I mention everything here (except the fish) is from the garden?  Yup. Everything! It's very satisfying. 


And the flavours, people! Jamie just comes up with fantastic combos every time. Freshness, zing and full of interest and deliciousness. 


Sometimes the meals you make up at the end of the week because you've forgotten to leave chicken out of the freezer to thaw... turns out better than anything you possibly imagined. This is definitely going to happen again. And again. Yes it is.

me and uke

one week in

with dishwasher for background accompaniment

my tortured life

Well, I'm still here.
I have grown my coat for the cold winter like a Tsar's robe. 

It requires a certain delicate maintenance.

I am free to go.  Yet I remain.

The 15 hours a day I sleep have no effect.
I wake to the same tedium.

Forgotton on the floor.  I alone feel this rejection.

I am surrounded by morons...

...who torment me mercilessly.

Still, I've learned a few things.

While my caretakers ignore my attempts to participate...

My life is in the toilet.

he who has ears to hear

Ever had a boss, employee, friend, acquaintance who struggles to hear? Not in the sense of being deaf, or unable to hear noise as such, but they have trouble understanding what's being said?

A friend of mine, for example, has the same conversation over and over with colleagues. They indicate an understanding at the time, even indicate verbally their agreement, but then the conversation occurs yet again in due course. They just don't get it. 

What's the story here?

There is a highly valuable skill in being able to hear feedback and adapt accordingly. Doesn't sound hard, does it? Maybe it's hard to hear some things when -

• you don't want to hear them
• you're focussed on other things
• there is another agenda / bias / prejudice stopping the message
• there's a disconnect between your intellectual assent and your behaviour

The skill of hearing is way more than just being quiet while someone else talks. To really hear someone try to tune in to their message. Messages are transmitted using 

• words 
• facial expression
• tone of voice 
• body language  

In fact, experts will tell you that 90% of all communication occurs via tone of voice, so there's a biggie right there.  Picking up on the emotion being conveyed is sometimes obvious, sometimes not. 

If you can develop the skill of hearing the whole message when spoken to by others, and then adapting your own behaviours accordingly, you will be considered responsive, flexible, and a valuable person who understands and hears what others are saying.

Regular conversation in our house.  

Meyles: Are you listening to me?  

Me: what? 

Just joking...

don't come monday

Picture:  winnod

In the last 4 years I have witnessed more people get sacked, than in my entire life. It happened again yesterday to a colleague I had befriended.   In the last few years I have seen this occur in another 3 workplaces I've been in.




Reasons why colleagues have been given the flick include:

• a restructure of the organisation has eliminated your position
• your performance has not been up to scratch
• you did the wrong thing and can no longer continue working here
• other people have complained about you

As an observer and friend of those poor people who get the big "DCM" message, I find it very upsetting and heart-wrenching to watch.  

When I was 17, I worked 4 hours a day in a donut shop, serving customers.  One day I made the fatal mistake of giving away a donut to a favourite customer.  It was worth 15 cents.  I shouldn't have done it.  But I did. At that age I hadn't worked out the boundary between accepting money from friends for tiny amounts and I felt stingy if I charged them, for some stupid reason.  

Anyhoo, the boss (who had just taken over the shop 2 days earlier and systematically sacked all the existing staff for trivial reasons, and then promptly employed his own daughters) jumped on me immediately.  He angrily accused me of dishonesty and stealing money from the till and told me to, "Get your apron off and get out."  I was sacked on the spot.  

At 17 I meekly did as I was told.  I took my apron off, collected my things and left.  Even though I was only 17, I knew something really awful had just happened.  I fought back tears while travelling home on the train.  I felt shocked and upset. But I also felt ashamed along with a little bit shaky and teary.  I began to berrate myself.  I HAD given away that donut and I shouldn't have.  Why didn't I do this, or that?  If only I had charged the customer. That guy had been watching me, just waiting to sack me.  And I have NEVER stolen money from the till! 

What do you think? 

Was my sacking really about the donut, 

or something else? 

Business and management have come a long way over the past 20 years or so. And I'm sure that with all the Industrial Relations laws in our country now that a manager who sacks someone would never sack a person in order to avoid dealing with their own inadequacies as a manager.  They just wouldn't do that.


pause


Nope. They wouldn't.


pause


Would they?
What do you think?  Have you ever been given the "DCM" talk?  What were the circumstances involved?

who's in charge here?

One of the most valuable things I learnt about my own health and wellbeing was that I am responsible for it. Now although many will agree with this, I’m not convinced we are all really on the same page.

Whenever you embark on a health-kick such as signing up for a gym, starting a diet, commencing an exercise routine, etc there is a plethora of eager ‘advisers’ who want to tell you what they did, or how you should do it.

Problem is, much of the advice you get is contradictory. Eat carbs / don’t eat carbs. Go vegetarian / eat high protein. Don’t eat between meals / eat every 2-3 hours. Cardio v strength training. Exercise in one block of time / exercise in short spurts thru the day. And on it goes.

So how come so many ‘experts’ have such different views? Who’s right? Are they all wrong?

This sort of conflicting information doesn’t just occur in the wellbeing sector, I’ve discovered. But through the maze of confusion, I came to the following conclusion:

I’m in charge of me

No longer will I outsource decisions about my health and wellbeing into the hands of other people who don’t have to live with the consequences of their decisions. My health is not theirs to determine. It’s not that I don’t consider the advice and opinions of experts. I do. I mean, I really do. However the final decision is always mine.

Sounds simplistic doesn’t it? But it’s more than that. It’s about responsibility. Ownership. Self-management. Being in-charge of your own life.

This is empowering stuff. It’s a concept that extends well beyond the medical / wellbeing decisions I make as well. In fact, I’m responsible for a whole lot of stuff - like my choice on who my friends are; how much time I will invest in certain things; how safely I choose to drive my car; how I spend my free time; what sort of behaviours I will encourage, tolerate, refuse to tolerate. It’s very powerful being in charge of me.

What really annoys me, in fact bugs the hell out of me, is any attempt other people make in being in charge of an aspect of my life that is not theirs to assume. Like that medical type person who forgot I was a human being attached to the body he was treating. Not wise, boy-o.

I sometimes hear others whinge about so-and-so (‘so-and-so’ being someone they are in a whole lot of contact with whose bad behaviour goes on and on) and their only response to So-and-so’s bad behaviour is to whinge to others and not take steps to manage their own wellbeing.

Being in charge is the most freeing discovery. And did I mention the word ‘empowering’? It’s so wonderful being in charge.  Of me.

So. Who’s in charge of you? Any comments, thoughts or stories you want to share about being in charge? Wax lyrical, people!

the difference between whingeing & complaining

Ever been embarrassed in a restaurant because someone you're with is whingeing to the staff about the service or meal beyond what you think is reasonable?


The difference between complaining and whingeing is huge. Both are useful at times, and can be done well or poorly. I'm guilty of both, but one is more healthy than the other, apparently.  And they go well beyond the boundaries of overcooked food in a cafe.


Whingeing is when you belly-ache to people who can't do anything about the problem.  


A habitual whinger is a miserable sod who makes everyone around them miserable too. They are so focused on belly-aching about their lot, they can never even think about what might bring about a possible solution. 


In fact, they don't necessarily want a solution. Some whinge to find attention, or gather a group of others around them who agree with them and boost their sense of power, or they may hope to manipulate someone else to speak on their behalf, or they may like to deflect personal responsibility, or drag others down so they don't look so bad themselves.


I reckon whingeing can be useful, if it's done privately with someone you trust, and it's a short emotional-dump of emotion that doesn't go on and on and temporarily allows the whinger to offload. It's not a problem-fix, just a temporary 'steam release'.


The dangers with whingeing is that it can become habitual and generally unhelpful. In fact, I have never met a whinger who is a happy whinger. They damage relationships, careers, emotional and social health - and not only of the whinger. Like I said, miserable sods.




Complaining is speaking to somebody who can do something about the problem. It's solution focused and is often accompanied by the desire to find a mutual resolution.



It's harder than whingeing, because to face up to the right person means you are taking a risk.


In my view, a properly done complaint can be a very powerful transaction leaving everyone more respectful and mutually intent on a solution.


So what comes out of your mouth when you feel irritated or mad?  Do you whinge or complain?